Thursday, March 12, 2015

Can't Sleep. Clowns Will Eat Me.

  1. I put together a quick survey to help me ensure I'm creating entertaining things for KpQuePasa which everyone can enjoy.  I’m really appreciative of the responses I’ve gotten so far, and they’re proving very helpful in honing the things I write about and/or post.  If you haven’t taken a moment to fill out a quick 8 question survey … might I suggest you do just that?  Thanks!
  1. You'll remember, we’re in temp housing while repairs are made on our apartment, and unfortunately, the internet is a super struggle in a house this old, this out in the boonies.  Without reliable access to do things -like check in with friends and family, watch stupid youtube videos, catch up with KpQP updates, translate the mail we receive (is it a bill? is it a flyer?), work on FINvites paying jobs, and pay bills- I promise I’m just as frustrated about that development as you are.  Thanks for sticking with me and the sporadic things I post, but if you’re looking for more constant interaction - it’s easier for me to catch an internet gremlin long enough for a quick tweet or insta, but uploading entire blog posts require a lot of stars to align out here.  We anticipate moving back to Tsurumai in about 15 days.  Not that I’m counting.
Moving On.

Our temp housing is, as the Mister would say "not perfect, but we can make anything work for a few weeks."  I can logically get behind that, but emotionally I am starting to get a bitter taste in my mouth about the this place.  Like parents who give their kids lemons for the first time and record it for all of the internet to watch.  Also, I haven’t slept properly in over a week, which might be helping that bitter taste mix with some low-level hallucinations and strengthen my dissatisfaction.

There's certainly some charm to this place, but for the purpose of sleep... it’s a drafty old house.  The only way to keep heat in the space where we sleep is to shut these sliding doors.
The space where we sleep.  Or really more accurately, the space where
the pets sleep until the five hours at night where we try to share the space with them.

As you can see, this leaves approximately .2 inches for Mac to sleep on the ground. For the three seconds we can usually convince Mac to sleep between the beds on the floor (we put some carpeting down for him) he will inevitably start to dream, and because he’s too big to really fit in that space, when he dream runs, his feet hit the beds.  Over.  And over.  And Over.

 I don't blame him for disliking being made to sleep all alone, squished into such a small space.  I mean, I can relate - I'm sleeping on a twin size bed (and for the record, twins in Japan are smaller than twins in the US).  Thus logically, he tries to insist on sleeping in one of the warm, soft, beds with one of his pack-mates.  Because the heater is above my bed... I am the obvious choice.

Mac's technique is to wait until you've fallen asleep juuuuust enough that you don't notice him putting a paw up on the bed.  Then he eases himself up and lays down in the tiniest little ball he possibly can, so that when his massive weight does wake you as he plops down, your first instinct is "oh, but he's not really taking up much space, it'll be fine," as you fall back asleep with a false sense of security.

Do your pets sleep with you, even when you'd maybe prefer they not?  
What's their technique?  Tell me in the comments?

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a pet that likes to sleep next to you, but waking Mac up in the middle of the night to ban him from the bed equals two to three hours of just listening to them aimlessly pace around on the hard wood floors waiting for you to fall asleep enough to crawl back into bed with you.  
Which won’t happen because your eye twitch is back after listening to two to three hours of “click click click click click click click” from their nails on that stupid hardwood floor.

So I begrudgingly let him stay.  Except, as we covered:  Twin size beds in Japan are, in fact, smaller than twin size beds in America.  The dog is still the same size he was in America.  Which is huge.  He’s huge.

It’s a fat guy in a little coat situation, except more like Big dog in a little bed.  It's all kind of adorable until you wake up to find he's used his legs to smash your face against the wall.  It's cool, who doesn't like dreaming about making out with a plank of wood?
Even that is doable until he gets cold.  You know what a dog does when he gets cold?

He puts his adorable face under the covers and finds the small of your back with a nose that feels like it's been frozen on the outer banks of Jupiter for a light year of twelve.  So then I'm awake.  My options at this point (somewhere around 3-4AM daily), are:
  • a. to kick Mac out of the bed to start the whole cycle over again and wake up The Mister, who needs to get up for work in a few hours or
  • b.  to play 1010 on my phone for a while until The Mister does get up for work, at which point I can tell Mac to get in the other bed.  Then I can sleep uninterrupted for a little less than two hours until pet breakfast time.  You can't skip pet breakfast time, it's the most important pet meal of the day! 

*legasp!* Are you awake!?  YOU'RE AWAKE.
(this is every. day.)

How do you make yourself sleep (I mean, like, minus drugs.)?  
Tell me in the comments!

today's little language lesson
Nemuremasen. Piero wa watashi o tabemasu.
Can't sleep.  Clowns will eat me.

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