Do you ever see something on the internet and just have a super visceral reaction to it?
No? That's just me? Maybe I should spend less time on the internet.
But whatever. So this popped up on my tumblr feed the other day. And I immediately shrieked "Ahh noooo! no no no no no!" and threw my computer a few feet away ala Penny realizing her horrible addiction to MMORPGs.
When I was but a child, my family had two cats: Reggie and Otis.
Reggie was a black short-haired cat with a little white patch on his chest. He was not timid, but he wasn't exactly a fan of small children either, so I didn't have a whole lot of interaction with him, because he had access to places higher than I could reach.
Otis was a "well-fed" brown tabby that my mum had saved from the pound (aka the local vet clinic where she worked that doubled as shelter for abandoned critters) because he was about to be put down for overcrowding, and also because at the time she was convinced that Reggie needed a friend.
Otis loved literally anyone. So much so that when I was a baby, my parents had to put a screen door on my bedroom so Otis didn't sneak in at night to "snuggle," and accidentally smother me in his folds of tubby tabby-ness. I give you all this context because logically then when I became a ripe old age of four and decided I needed to claim one of these two cats as my BFF, you might not have thought I would cast Reggie in this role.
And though Otis was probably sitting next to me on the couch when I made the decision of needing a bestie, I tracked down and dragged Reggie back into the living room for this meaningful crowning of BFF title.
You'll have to excuse me, as I was a toddling kid, my memory isn't what it should be. I have no idea how I managed to catch Reggie in my stubby little hands. I do remember that I didn't have an actual friendship bracelet to share with Reggie. But I did have a hair-tie.
Specifically, I had THESE things:
Once around was too big for Reggie's svelte little cat-wrist. So I did it twice. Maybe three times. I don't remember quite how many. But I made sure it was snug and wasn't coming off. Then I re-released poor Reggie into the
don't even lie, I said pizza table and you knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.
The rest of the story I was not actually present for, but I've had it retold to me about a thousand times, so I feel confident that I can reasonably pass it on to you. Somewhere around 3 or 4 in the morning, my parents awake to a horrible, agonized yowl coming from under the bed.
[if you have never heard a cat properly yowl before and would like to know exactly what Reggie sounded like, click HERE. Also if you are at work or near other cats, turn your speakers down just a tish. I've warned you. Bubba was less than pleased]
Poor, traumatized Reggie had hidden under the bed all day, while my BFF bracelet had cut off all the circulation to his toes.** His paw had swollen to the size of a baseball, and upon her first inspection, my mother was fairly certain she'd be taking him to the emergency vet to amputate his leg.
Thankfully, there is a happy ending to this tale: Mum was able to use a scissors to snip the band on Reggie's paw, then massage the blood flow back to his little jelly-bean toes, all while he continued to scream. Because there's no way to explain to a cat that the pins and needles tingling one feels as circulation returns to an area that was previously "asleep" or "that had been banded off by a small child" was a good sign and meant he was going to be okay.
Reggie got to keep his foot.
In the morning I got a long talk about how kitties are our friends, but they do not wear jewelry. Ever.
And Reggie spent the rest of his days (another 11 or so years) avoiding me like the plague. I can't say I blame him.
Moral of the story? Don't put a BFF bracelet on your cat's foot. It's not cute; it's horrific. Also if you're old enough that you have the finger dexterity to MAKE a bracelet for your cat like that picture, you are old enough to go outside and meet real people to be your BFF. You should probably do that instead.
How do you let your pets know you're BFFs?
Were you ever a horrible child to your pet?
Do you have a good Child - Pet story?
Tell me in the comments!
*Obviously, kids see rules as things to be bent and broken. But the one rule I don't think I ever once broke? Mom & Dad's bedroom is off limits. For-bodden. Cat's under the bed in there? Well then the cat is safe. I still feel weird about being in any parent's bedroom.
**Once, the Mister told me a story about his childhood dog. As a small child, he decided to pierce her ears, and she, being apparently the CHILLEST dog on the planet, let him do it. I remember thinking at the time "Oh my god you were a horrific child" but as I wrote this post it occurred to me that I should probably apologize for that initial jump to conclusion. So... sorry Mister. Apparently we were BOTH horrific children. <3