Monday, April 08, 2013

No Regrets!


Last night, The Mister and I watched a movie called "Safety Not Guaranteed."  I won't spoil it for you, but the premise of the movie is that an aspiring writer is assigned to write an article investigating a classified ad which is seeking a partner for a mission where the two will "travel back in time."  It's more or less a comedy, because you spend the whole movie wondering just how crazy is the dude who thinks he can really time travel.  Anyway, it prompted the question:

"What do you regret enough that you would go back in time to fix it if you could?"

And you know what?  I don't know that I regret anything I've done enough to want to take it back.  I mean, sure, I've done some STUPID crap, but in the end, those things turned out to have some excellent silver-linings.  Top three stupid things (which wouldn't get me arrested to publicly admit on the internet) in no particular order?

1.  At 19 years old, fully sober, I ate a crayon.  On film.  By choice.

Once I tried to make a movie with a group of friends in college.  We were idealistic about how obviously successful this movie would be, and decided that we needed to fund-raise in order to purchase some props and video-editing software.  So we put on a grilled cheese sale on a random Friday night.  If you're following this story properly, you may realize just how brilliant of an idea it is to sell warm, gooey cheese inside buttered bread to drunk college students at 1AM.  We made bank.  And we did really use that money to buy video-editing equipment.

things that amuse me: when this, the actual flyer in question, 
has been preserved on Facebook for the ages.

But we didn't realize that the way we advertised (aka we put a flyer on literally every door on campus), and the fact that we were not a registered student organization, were both violations of the student code of conduct.  Oh, and we were all RAs at the time.  You know, the students expected to uphold that code of conduct.  So we almost got fired for that.*

What I remember most about this project is that my "character's introduction" in the movie, involved me eating actual crayons.  And I was so convinced this was going to be the next Blair Witch Project that I actually, really, truly did eat a crayon.

But you know what I got out of that?  Some of the most fun I've had in my life was had with those people, and I'm so thankful that such a stupid project became such a bonding experience for us all.  Also, Brides-dude, what the hell ever happened to that video?  Because I would like a copy.

*We did lots of other things that should have gotten us fired that year which were far worse than selling sandwiches.  I will not be telling those stories.  5th Amendment rights, y'all.   (sorry to my college boss, who may actually read this-here blog from time to time.  You put so much faith in me, and really I didn't earn any of that until the third year I worked for you)


2.  I stood on a stage dressed in Spandex and thought I was the shiz.

My senior year of high school, I decided to take on a tradition among the drama-geeks group:  I would be the spring play director.  This was a role that had been taken on the past two years by wildly successful fellow-drama nerds, and was the opportunity to pick the play, pick the cast, and run the whole darn show.

I took the reigns for the third year of the tradition, and I was far more excited than anyone ever should be to pick a play titled "Captain Fantastic*."  It is a play about a super-hero, and his band of super-hero friends.  This meant that I willingly picked a production which put myself (there were too many parts for me not to be in the same play I was directing, which is never a good idea), and all of my closest friends at the time, in costumes that consisted almost entirely of spandex, in front of all our peers.  (It should be no mystery why I won the "never gonna grow up" award from my fellow seniors that year).  I had actually blacked this out of my mind until last week when a fellow cast-member from this production decided to post photos she found on FACE BOOK, which as you know is accessible to the entire internet.  And then she also TAGGED ME.  In all my spandex glory.  There goes my political career.

So I might as well just share it here too.  I'm the one in the ref shirt.

But if I hadn't done that?  No one would have directed a play that year - my Senior class did not have as many contributors to the drama-geek group as the classes above and below me.  This is a group of kids that regularly got the short-end of the stick when it came to resources and generally anyone giving a poo about what they did, so this was a project that we needed to prove we were excited about in order to keep it going.  The next year the students who took over did a great job from my understanding.  If I hadn't gotten everyone to put on spandex and jump through a window like we were about to fly under our own super powers in 2002, then no one would have gotten to be in a spring play at all in 2003, or any year after that.  And that would have sucked.

Also, can I tell you how loved I feel in retrospect that all my greatest friends at that time were too kind to refuse such a stupid idea or such embarrassing costumes?  I made one of them wear a freaking bucket on his head, people.  Also if you're reading this, Bucket-head (that was really his character's name), I won't reveal your identity, but thanks for that dude, that was pretty damn boss of you.

Lastly, my superhero name was Girl Marvel, who's alter-ego was Agnes Griddle, if anyone actually cares about that.  I had a cape.   Are you jealous yet?

*Oh my good lord the whole first act of this is available to read free online.

3.  I put myself on a dating website.

I only ever wrote about one date that happened from that time.  I will admit there were others.  And while they weren't all as memorably horrendous as that one (seriously just click here if you don't remember/ haven't read what I'm talking about), they weren't great dates.  One guy wanted to date me just to use me as his personal counselor.  He had no intention or interest in me romantically, he wanted someone to talk to about his mommy issues, and I had the MEd to qualify.  He strung me along for a long enough time that when I finally figured out what was going on, my self-confidence took a rather giant hit.



OkayCupid did make my twitter feed ripe with hilarity for a while though.

But if I hadn't put myself out there for the internet to see?
Well, I think we all know that I would have missed something pretty flipping awesome.


What about you?  
Is there anything you regret that you've done?  
Is there a silver lining that came from it anyway?
Tell me in the comments!

4 comments:

Danielle said...

I have a few regrets, but I guess if I didn't get that out of my system, I wouldn't be the girl I am today...although, maybe that would be a good thing?

You just never know, right?

Queen Holly the Magnificent said...

I don't have any major regrets. Although if I had a time machine I would totally go back in time and high five a dinosaur.

Kp said...

you have longer arms than I do then, Holly.

Thirsty, Nerdy, Cats said...

My favorite part of this story is that I got to participate in Captain Fantastic in all its glory MINUS the Spandex. Thank you so very much for that. Best director ever.