Monday, February 25, 2013

Because... Monsters.

Okay first off, some housekeeping:  It's become pretty clear to me that Friday posts are either something I need to back off on for the foreseeable future, or something that'll I'll be rushing to put out each weekend before rushing off to do something else.  Since sometimes this includes putting my art out into the world with my name on it (which is never something one should rush), I felt like y'all would understand if I said that for now, KpQuePasa will be a Monday-Wednesday update cycle.  I'll figure something else out soon, but until then, now you know. Thanks for your understanding!

Second, with all this rushing around to keep up with life in general that the Mister and I have been doing lately, sleep has become a premium.  If you know me, you know that sleep is always a premium, so this new-found lack of "sleep as much as you want all the time, Kp!" has really started to cramp my style.  Compounding this with the recent random seasonal changes in Michigan's weather, and well, here we have today's post.

Do you have a set of "rules" or 
"parameters" for how you sleep?  
Anything you can't sleep without?  
Tell me in the comments!

Sleeping when it's too warm
1.  Ponytail of all of the hair.  Piled as high on the top of my head as it can go so that I can sleep on all sides of my head without a pony-bump.  TrĂ© sexy.

2.  Eye mask.  Because sometime in the last few years I became completely incapable of sleeping with light anywhere near my eyeballs.  (see also, that one time I slept with a sock over my face).

3.  Absolute spread eagle pose, much to the dismay of the man I'm supposed to "share" a bed with.

4.  Full pants, even though it's super hot, because worse than too-warm legs is legs that are warm and touching and thus getting that weird sticking to each other feeling.  Like sitting in a leather-interiored car in the summer.  No.  Nope nope nope.

5.  T-shirt with one sleeve that has decided to twist itself to uncomfortably ball itself up underneath my arm while I sleep, cutting off blood flow to my arm and in the morning I will be unable to feel the fingers on that side of my body for 10-20 minutes, leading me to wonder if I had a mini-stroke.  Web-MD should be banned in this house.

6.  Blanket.  Covering my neck.  Because of monsters.

7.  Blanket.  Covering my abdomen and vital organs.  Because of monsters.

8.  Blanket.  Covering the very tips of my toes.  Because... monsters.  People, how do you not get this already?

Sleeping when it's too cold (is there an inbetween?  A perfect sleeping temperature?  True fact answer: No.)
1.  Ponytail of all of the hair.  Piled as high on the top of my head as it can go because if a stray hair tickles my nose in the middle of the night I will thrash in fear of monsters and maim things/ husbands sleeping near me.

2.  Eye mask.  Serves extra purpose of keeping my face warm while blocking evil, evil light (though it should be noted that it clashes to the extreme with my desire to be able to see immediately if there is a noise that could indicate the approach of monsters).

3.  Extreme fetal position to keep heat collected near my body.

4.  Blanket successfully "burrito'd" through the tucking of all edges under all sides of my body.  Much to the husband's dismay, as along with sharing the bed I'm apparently supposed to share the blanket.  I want to know who made these sharing rules, because if he shifts around in the night he inevitably lets cold air into carefully crafted blanket-heat-bubble and ruins everything.

(it's a good thing he loves me.  and also that he's usually much warmer than I am, negating his requiring any blankets.)

5.  Carefully placed "live action" heater tucked under my butt and legs.  Who will probably start to snore in the next three or four minutes.  He gets to stay and keep me warm until he starts to dream he's chasing things and inevitably kicks me while sleep-barking.

6.  Extra wads of blanket balled up and tucked in/around neck and vital organs.  It's a queen size blanket and I fail at sharing, so there's enough fabric for this.  Because of monsters.

7.  Nose left exposed as it is now the only way to detect if horrible, smelly monsters are about to attack in the dead of night.  Also because Mac is tucked under the blanket with me, and I find it's wise to make sure that his butt is never in the same small, enclosed space as my nose.

Monsters.  How do you keep them away from you while you sleep?  
(Don't forget to protect your toes!)

Lastly, just as a PSA to the world:  I was dunking oreos in my coffee this morning while typing and accidentally dropped a whole cookie in and it sank to it's doom in the bottom dredges of my giant coffee mug.  I now have delicious, delicious coffee.  You should totally try it.  Pro tip.  Have a great Monday!


Optimistic Existentialist said...

HILARIOUS!!! Because of monsters :)

I have definitely woken up with the numb arm before...what a weird feeling it is!!

Erin said...

The twisting clothing phenomenon is why I can only sleep in fitted yoga pants and a fitted nursing tank top. I can't stand clothing getting bunched up. And hubby is required to share his heat. Sometimes that means putting my cold feet on him and giggling at the schoolgirl pitched "yipe!" and sometimes that means making him lay on my side of the bed before I get in to warm it all up. All of this done with the requirement that it be via radiant heat and not gas!

Heather said...

I still leap into the bed at night because of monsters. Also, I snake one arm through a partially closed door to flip the switch so there are no monsters when I enter. I'm still wondering when I'm going to turn into an adult.

Queen Holly the Magnificent said...

I do the same thing. I have to have my butt covered. I don't know why, butt monsters probably. Also, when you mention the words 'pony bump' I think of a tiny, brightly colored horse snorting cocaine off of a rainbow mirror.

Kate Y said...

Oh sleep... I remember that vaguely. :)

Kp said...

I'm so glad to know that I'm not only the lonely on my sleep needs! Be strong friends, we can keep those monsters at bay with constant vigilance! (minus the part where we're vigilant because... you know... we're sleeping and stuff.

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