She called me back a few days later to tell me how horrible Thor the movie was. And I was all Hur? How is this a bad movie?
wink right back atcha there buddy.
So I jokingly asked her "are you sure you watched the right movie?"
Turns out she hadn't.
I laughed so, SO hard. How could mum have made such a silly mistake? Truly ridiculous, and one I would never make.
Until I did.
This weekend, Fiance and I got a few redboxes to watch. We were both pretty excited about our selection of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Both of us were amazed it was out on DVD already. So we got home and popped it in.
We sat through a few questionable previews - clearly B-list horror movie type fare. And then we got to the title screen, and finally actually read the title of the movie we were about to watch:
Abraham Lincoln vs. the Zombies.
We maybe should have caught that something was "off"
by this being the display image for the movie on the red box machine.
But we've already paid the buck-something for it... so we hit play. It was HORRIBLE. However, "Spoiler Alert," I'm going to tell you how suddenly it was awesomely bad in the best way possible.
We start with Abe as a child bearing the responsibility of killing his own mother with a scythe because she's been afflicted with a terrible disease that turned her zombie. Fast forward to Abe as president, prepping his speech for Gettysburg, when his new secret service informs him that there are newly zombified people at a fort in the confederacy and he decides he has to help. At the fort, he and his 12 secret servicemen encounter zombies, but more hilariously, they start encountering people from the history books that are really weirdly woven into the tale. Stonewall Jackson has been trapped at the fort by the Zombie onslaught. One of the secret servicemen turns out to not be John Wilkinson, as he states, but *gasp!* John Wilkes Booth, assassin extraordinaire.
And then the absolute best scene happens: On a mission to reclaim some of the nearby village from the Zombie hoard, Abe and his crew roll deep into a brothel, where they run into a whore who Abe had some kind of fling with back in the day, and her daughter. And. AND. With them is a little boy that had been orphaned by the Zombie plague and taken in by the ladies of ill-repute. He shakes Abe's hand and introduces himself as Theodore flipping Roosevelt.
So Abe explains that they're going to have to fight their way back to the fort, and tells young Teddy, "I'm sorry we haven't more weapons to share with you."
You know what he says next? Do you? Because Both Fiance and I made a joke here, but then it actually happened and we nearly pooped.
Did you guess?
Anyway, it was all pretty downhill from there. Once Fiance and I stopped hysterically laughing, the crappy special effects, super-sub-par acting, and flat-lined plot sort of took the rest of the fun out of the night. If you're really dying to know, they fight back the Zombies, but in the end Abe gets bit, and then John Wilkes Booth takes him out. Fin.
So we finished the evening with Casa de mi Padre, the Will Ferrel movie that's all in Spanish. Which was horrible, but at least we knew that one was going to be horrible when we rented it.
Have you ever been duped by a movie like this?
Or really, what was the best-horrible movie you've seen?
I want to know! Hit me up in the comments!That, while ridiculous, was also pretty fun. I think we'd be down to do it again, but on purpose this time.
Dreaded 29 Update: -21, 8 to go!