Friday, July 27, 2012


Before "wedding" became part of my daily vocabulary, I used to look at brides who had very strong opinions on very specific tangental points of their events, and automatically inner-eye roll while mouthing "bridezilla" under my breath.   Living now on the flip-side of that coin, I want to throw this out there:

Yes, there are true bridezillas (TLC has a decent parade of examples on their Friday Brideday lineup) in the world and they are horrible.  But a bride with a strongly formed opinion is not so much a conclusion of them being horrible controlling people, but more a consequence of not being allowed to have a conversation with literally any single person about any topic other than her and her betrothed's impending nuptials for several months leading up.  If it's all you felt allowed to think about, you'd think pretty hard in some areas too.  Thus, I have formed some strong opinions of my own.  Allow me to share.

There is a woman on TV right now.  A "Style Expert" in a segment about what to wear to a wedding as a guest.

This expert is talking about how it's totally fashion-forward and 
appropriate to wear white to a wedding if you are not the bride.

And this single thought infuriates me so much I feel the need to clarify both on my Facebook, this blog, and probably with anyone who sees me in person the next few days that wearing white to a wedding as a guest is so incredibly rude it makes me want to punch walls.

There is something really symbolic to me about wearing white, or off-white, or cream, or whatever typically close-to-white color the bride goes with.  Sure yes, there is the "purity" aspect, but it's also that thing which makes a bride stand out from the rest.  She saved that color for that day.  It makes her look special.  It makes her the royalty of the day.  I know I can't speak for every bride, and I'm sure that there are some out there who would care little to none, but if I just spent a year+ planning a giant party for you to come and enjoy*, and you show up and steal that specialness from me, I'm going to go ahead and equate it with being punched in the face.

Oh yes, it makes a statement.  And for me that statement is: Bride, you don't deserve to feel special on this day.

How would YOU feel if someone wore white to your wedding?

WRAAAAGH.  I'm seriously hulking out about this here.  I'm going to have to look up this show's website and share my thoughts.

Let's wrap that bit up with a Jerry Springer Style Final Thought:

I don't care if you wear a formal gown, a maxi dress, or jeans and a t-shirt to my wedding (seriously, I don't.)  However, if you wear white, behind the scenes there will be a very sincere conversation with the wedding party about how to covertly spill a container full of Kool-aid on you so you're appropriately colored pink, or blue, or grape.  There are a million beautiful colors in the world, don't take the one which makes me feel special that day.  Go for jewel tones, I hear those are big right now.
don't worry, I'll make sure there's plenty of ice.
Bridezilla statement?  Hmm.  I'll probably read that back in a few months and say yes.  Doesn't make it any less true/ funny in the meantime.

Kind of along those same lines: the dreams have started.

Have you been a bride?  I've heard this reoccurring 
wedding-themed dream business is common.  
What was/ is your reoccurring dream?

I can't decide if my reoccurring wedding dream is a dream or a nightmare.  Basically the dream is "We're getting married [insert whatever the actual current date is]."

And while I'm always happy to be married (obviously), I always get these thoughts racing through my head:

  • We had vendors on contracts for October - we're not going to get those deposits back now.
  • I ordered 300 rubiks cubes and they didn't come in in time - now we have no favors and what am I supposed to do with 300 cubes!?
  • If we still have the other planned receptions, I don't need the officiant for the Detroit one any more - is he going to be mad when we cancel?
  • My friends are too far away - they didn't have time to receive their invitations in the mail.

And then I wake up. On the couch.  In the basement.  And I slowly come to the realization that not only is my proper bed hundreds of miles away in another country, but so is that fantastic dude I'm supposed to be marrying, so the wedding couldn't possibly be today, and I sigh a sigh of relief & disappointment.

... and then somewhere around 11 o'clock that night, I realize that it's not Wednesday, as I thought in my dream and consequently assumed for the entire rest of my waking day.  No no.  It's THURSDAY.  Which means I totally ditched out on a dress fitting appointment.  You know.  That dress.  That dress which is the only white dress allowed.

*I have always liked being a host for a party (though I'll admit Fiance trumps my host love x1000).  I love the planning and tweaking and themes and colors and decorations and the fun little extras and being in charge and food and welcoming people and making sure they have fun.  But trying to fit in things that make this event ours comes at the cost of listening to people be confused or upset about why it's not a certain way that they think it should be.  There is no way to please everyone and I know that, but there is an inherent need (and incredible stress) as a bride to try to make it perfect for everyone.  It comes with this being a wedding.  

Bottom line?  This party is not for us.  It's for our guests.  I am actually happy I've come to this conclusion, because it leads into our party for us being the rest of our lives instead of just those two evenings.  Though it does make a wicked good case for why we should have eloped and called it good.  </lame rant>.


Rikki said...

In addition to the fact that you absolutely should never, ever, ever wear white to a wedding*, I'm going to throw these other two rules in the mix, both of course based on actual things that have happened to my friends:
- The mother of the groom should never wear a super sexy, slinky, bright red satin dress to the wedding. Especially when she's made it very clear from the beginning that she doesn't think the bride is good enough for her "baby."
- The sister of the groom should never wear an exact replica of the very beautiful, champagne colored bridesmaid dresses... only in neon yellow... and then tell everyone that the bride (who hates you) loved your dress so much that she copied it for her attendants.
Both occasions are just going to piss off the bride and tears will be shed.

*The caveat to the "never wear white" rule, I would say, is if it's a white dress that is highly patterned so really isn't white after all. That being said, your warning has been noted and I will be sure not to wear said dress that I recently purchased to your wedding, especially considering that I think I own at least 15 dresses that I could wear that in no way, shape, or form involve white.

Danielle said...

Completely agree with you on no one else wearing white! Unless the bride wears red. Weird but it has happened.

My wedding was the hardest thing I've ever had to plan out. Nothing on the day went according to plan but it was still one of the best days of my life. What I can remember anyway. It's been 8 years and it was an open bar...

Good luck and enjoy it. It's a lot of planning for 1 day and that day goes soooo fast. Take lots of pictures. I wish I had a video. It would be fun to watch now.