Monday, April 30, 2012

What I Did On My Summer Vacation [which was neither a vacation or during the summer]

Hey, remember me?  I had/have a blog.  No fear, I'm back y'all.  And yes, I missed you too.

The last two weeks Fiance and I took off to Michigan, on what Fiance's company termed a "Home Trip." The basic purpose was to re-establish ourselves as American citizens.  We also took the opportunity to do some wedding planning, get me set up with a new laptop (hence the lack of blog posts) and some other stuff.  Of course, I chronicled in the sketchbook.

The day we left, I had the brilliant realization that I hadn't worn socks for... since the last time we were home really.  

As much as I gripped on here about the cold in the midst of winter, Mexico doesn't really seem to joke around with such silly concepts as spring.  It's easily 100 degrees here right now.  And even as that girl with poor circulation who always seems to be cold... I'm totally wishing the AC could turn down further.  

But anyway, listen.  Socks.  Socks and Sweatshirts.  That's all I wore for the basically the whole trip.  Not just because I really revel in the feeling of being "snuggly," but also because socks and sweatshirts are not generally dressy enough for me here in Mexico, and I was kinda pumped to be a slovenly rebel.  

Fiance and I went to Wal-Mart our first night home to pick up a few things, and we were both super amused that Wal-Mart in Michigan was a page out of People of Wal-Mart.  Instead of Mexico's Wal-Mart, which generally includes people wearing stiletto heels and gallons of very expensive cologne.

Also our first night in Michigan?  We had Subway sandwiches.  I don't quite know how to explain this, but while there are Subways in Mexico, they taste very different.  And thus, we ate Subway at least 6 different times in the course of two weeks.  And it was delicious, and yes don't judge me I got the exact same sandwich every single time.  You should try chips on your sandwich.  I promise it's excellent.

I don't know where else to fit this in the post, and I don't know how to really give it context.  Fiance's dad said this (why yes, Fiance's dad's caricature does bare a striking resemblance to Fiance's caricature.  That's because in real life they are related, and therefore resemble each other as people too).  I almost snorted milk out my nose because it caught me off guard.  I am now resolved to use this phrase in ever possible scenario, and maybe even some scenarios where it's not really applicable.

Of course, we took the opportunity to do some shopping too.  Because clothes are in fact, cheaper in the states.  I had a super love affair with Burlington coat factory.  Due largely in part to the fact that I am officially 2 pants sizes smaller than the last time I bought pants.  (Take THAT, Dreaded 29!)  I haven't worn this size jeans since I was a junior in College.  

So while I maybe went a little overboard in the "buying clothing" department, I feel like I should totally be commended on the basis that I showed remarkable restraint in not buying EVERY SINGLE PAIR OF PANTS in that size.  You're welcome, Fiance.

I did buy a few pairs of shoes though.  Without getting laughed at for my giant troll feet, thank you very much.

We really did have a check-list while we were in the states besides "BUY STUFF."  Including:

  • Order new contacts (which included an eye exam for me.)
Does anyone hate the puff test for glaucoma as much as I do?  
I know it's technically an irrational thing to hate, but I still hate it.  So much.  So, so much.
  • Get Fiance fitted for his tux.  Make sure we've got all the men in the wedding party set up in the tux place's system.  Swear minimally during this process.*
  • Meet with the wedding planner.  Have her tell me "you're ahead of schedule, so you can be chill for a bit."  Allow Fiance to spend the rest of the trip telling me "your wedding planner said you have to chill."  Continue to fantasize about wedding favors anyway.
  • Check on our house in Michigan (still standing), and get our mail.
  • Order a new phone for the idiot who may have washed hers a few months back.  Said idiot might be me. (sadly, it didn't come in before we had to head back to the states, but in theory it's getting fed-exed here.)
  • Go to a food tasting for our wedding cuisine.
  • Get a prescription for parasite preventatives filled for Mac and Bubba (preventative medicine for pets in Mexico does not exist).
  • Buy new Schmexy laptop for Kp (as mentioned above)
  • Go to first dress fitting**
  • Meet with our lawyer so Fiance could finish up some paperwork.
  • Fiance had to log some hours at the Michigan office of his company.
  • Visit the new lake-house that Fiance's parents bought the week we left for Mexico.

That Lake-House was lovely.  Fiance's parents are clearly super proud of the place, and they should be.  It's a really clean, spacious, and lake-side house, and they have big plans for future projects to turn it into their home after retirement.  It was a lot of fun to trek out there with them so they could show us the place.


It was a full house out there with Fiance and I, his parents, his brother and a friend, and one of Fiance's cousins, who brought along her 4 month old puppy named Brewski.  He's quite a ball of energy, and I had a great time playing with him all weekend.  Of course, Fiance's parents' dogs, Remmy (middle) and Bear Naked (right), came along too.  They were... less excited to play with little Brewski all weekend than I was.

Also awesome?  Lake-side house means fishing.  I love fishing.  I'm not a pro by any means, but I can happily whittle away hours and hours sitting on the end of a dock with a cheap pole, a bobber, and a hook with a worm.  (As I was asked this quite a bit, I feel compelled to clarify. I have no issues with a) putting a worm on a hook, b) taking a fish off a hook or c) cleaning a fish in order to cook it and put it in my belly.  I am woman hear me roar and such.)

The house was full and thus pretty loud for our stay, which hindered the ability to lure delicious fishes close enough to the dock for me to snag them, but I did manage one small perch.  Who himself managed to get off the hook and swim away between the point whence I caught him and when I got a bucket to put him in (in order to show him off to everyone in proof that I wasn't just BS-ing when I told them I liked to fish).  But next time my friends, there will be a perch dinner.  Mark. My. Words.

So check all those items off the to-do list (except the dress fitting... see below**), and that sees us two weeks later and on a plane headed back to Mexico.  Where we once again proved that I am an absolutely horrible flyer, even when Fiance manages to talk our way into a First-Class upgrade so I have an eye mask and pillow and blanket for my comfort.  This is apparently the same conversation that Fiance has with the flight attendant staff every time we've flown together.  Which makes me wonder: 
1.   Just how bad I snore, 
2.   How horrible I must look as I snore, and 
3.   Before I flew next to Fiance, what did the poor strangers seated next to me in coach think?

And now we're back to the daily grind we've grown accustomed to down here.  Fiance, I think, was having a hard time wrapping his brain around going back to the office this morning, so I drew him a lovely note for his day and thought it appropriate to share here.  Please see item number 2 in the Random Section time for more clarification on the bug impaled upon his sword.

*Swearing is super appropriate in just about every scenario in Mexico.  It’s not so much cussing to Mexicans as it is extra emphasis on the situation at hand.  Like the salt and pepper of language, if you will.  I have apparently grown accustomed to such.
When we got set up for tuxes at Men’s Warehouse, our sales associate informed me that if we had put our wedding party ladies through David’s Bridal, then I should have gotten a spiffy coupon for a significant discount on tuxes.  So we wandered to the David’s, I walked in, and politely said :

“Hi, we registered all our wedding party to come through David’s for their dresses, and I understand I was supposed to get a big-ass coupon for tuxes at Men’s Warehouse.  Could you help us out?”

And the nice lady there looked at me as if I had just pooped in the middle of the salon.  And then handed me a very awesome coupon.  And then we left David’s and I’ve been kind of embarrassed about that whole exchange ever since.  And then I found five dollars.

**There is no comic of the dress fitting here because the whole ordeal was pretty ugly.  Not in a "the dress is ugly" kind of way.  No, no friends.  In a "the reason we went to the states WHEN we went was specifically so I could attend my first scheduled dress fitting.  And then.  THEN.  The dress wasn't in yet. 

So it was ugly in that I may have pitched a bit of a fit.  I am not sure if I count this as me tipping to being a bridezilla or simply me being understandably upset for planning a very expensive trip (the company doesn't pay my ticket because we're not married yet!) and no one could have bothered to tell me the dress wouldn't be in when the appointment was made.  I'm still kind of grumbly about it if I'm honest.

Are you  or have you been married?  Did you have a Bridezilla or Groomzilla moment?  
I want to hear about it in the comments, perhaps it will make me feel better.

1.  I didn't really know where else to fit this in the post, but I'm returning to the States somewhere in the next month.  

For good.  

No worries, Fiance and I are doing well (though he will have to stay here for a few months more to complete his contract without me, and we're going to miss each other), and I will keep the blog going. 

But for many different reasons, this is the right move for me, for Mac and Bubba, and for Fiance and I.  Part of me thinks this could be a stand-alone post, but I think if I did that it would turn into a list of things that I hate about Mexico.  And that would be super unfair, because I DON'T hate Mexico, and I wouldn't trade the time I've spent here.  It's been a valuable experience and I've learned a lot that I'm grateful for.  Mexico is an awesome place, it's just not a place for me personally to be long-term.  

2.  We've talked about cockroaches here on the blog before.  I do hate them.  Quite frankly, if you disagree with me, you're just wrong.  Roaches here are larger than you'd see up north, because there isn't any point where freezing happens or food is scarce to keep them from growing.  They also fly, which is information I kind of wish could be scrubbed  out of my head.  

But particularly noteworthy is that we've entered the part of the year where the heat has driven the cockroaches indoors.  Through drainage systems.  Regardless of how clean your home is, your shower drains and sinks are no longer safe.  We've seen a few in the house since we've been back, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit here that I am now terrified to use the shower without a can of raid and/or Fiance within yelling distance so I can screech something to the affect of:
He saved my life multiple times this weekend.  True story.  I'm so proud of him I could just stand up and shit.

3.  My homepage got hacked.  Super boo.  Super silver-lining?  My server caught it and sent a list of how we (read: Fiance) can go in and fix it all so it's back up and running and is no longer used as a back-alley for buying and selling illegal drugs.  Oh yes, that's how it was hacked.  That is a true story.  Does that make me a pusher?  Anywhoozle, stay tuned for that.  He's working on it, I'll let you know when it's back up.


Sunny said...

Roaches are NASTY! I'm sure yours are worse since you are farther south, but I have vivid roach memories of them when I lived in San Diego as a kid.

I think you had every right to pitch a fit about the dress fitting. I'm kind of mad for you!

Jill said...

Bridezilla moment??? When I found out that song that we had picked as our first dance song (and the song that we had taken dance lessons for to learn how to dance all fancy and such) was the same song as some friends nine months earlier. Enter massive freak out.

Fiance said...

Great blog love! Very well said! :)

Kp said...

Thanks for all the comment love!
@Sunny - If I ever needed to pick one compelling reason for moving back to, and staying in, Yankee territory: giant roaches are it.

@Jill - Haha, I remember you telling me about that. It was still a very lovely first dance. I may have teared up. (When did I become that person?!)


Rob Oh said...

I am SO GLAD someone else agrees with me that subway is not the same outside of the US...

ALSO, the puff test is EVIL! I actually went to get my company physical at the hospital, and during the vision test, I saw the machine and froze, once I saw the Hot Air Balloon picture inside, I jerked my head back... the doctor had to be like "There's no air... just lasers..." ...LASERS!?

Kp said...

I have to admit I read your comment, Rob, and my first thought was "I would TOTALLY take a laser to the eye before a puff. Welcome it, even."