Tuesday, January 03, 2012

My Bridal Bazinga

Howdy folks. Coming to you live from the Man Cave today.

That screen is huge and awesome to type out a blog post on.

My trusty MacBook is still kicking, but sadly, the charger is not. It's been really finicky for the last few months now; where I plug it in, if the cord plugged in has to come towards me or away from me, how the cord is coiled... I'd tinker for quite a while each and every time I needed to see that little red light blink on. You know that little red light - the one that says "Yay! Power input! Macbook is Alive!"

In summary, what I'm saying is that the Mac will be back online and the main blogging tool of choice as soon as we venture to the Mac store and pick up a new charger. Also I suppose I'm saying that I believe Macs are tiny sentient beings who would totally talk to us like Johnny 5 if given the chance.

Before any Mac vs. PC mud-slinging starts up; as an artist, I am bound to Macs and their art-friendly capabilities for life. That is just a fact, and I'm not about to argue it in the comments. Live and let live people. However, if you want to send a comment discussing your favorite moments from the cinematic masterpiece Short Circuit, I'm all about it.

Moving on to the actual blog then.

While we were home in the states, I totally bought a wedding dress. I'm pretty pumped about it. It was largely overwhelming, and hugely fun, even for a gal who's not really a girly-girl.

I went to Memories Bridal Salon in Kalamazoo. It was an easy choice. They're located in the middle of downtown, so there have been countless times where even before I met Fiance I found myself staring wide-eyed at the pretty dresses in their window while walking around. Plus they have a super cheesy/catchy jingle that is constantly on the radio there: "Don't Dress Like Her, Dress Like You!" A jingle which has more or less been crammed in the bowels of my mind on repeat for the last few weeks now. I tried to find a link of it so you could share the experience, but it's not online anywhere. Next time you see me, ask, I'll totes sing it for you.

Let me walk you through my mental train of that day. It'll be fun, promise (also maybe TMI, but I'm going to go with it for the sake of a laugh)

While getting ready for the appointment:
  • Crap. I totally don't own a single pair of white underwear. What if everyone at the appointment can see the pink through the dress? Poor planning, Kp. Poor Planning. Maybe I can grab a white pair at Kohl's before the appointment... Yeah I don't have time for that business. Guess I'll just look like a skank.
  • It is AMAZING how much more attention I just paid to shaving that tricky spot on the back of my knees. And really, why? I don't plan on trying on short gowns... well whatever they're smooth as a baby's tookus now.
  • Is that a zit? Awesome. Should I pop it? No, it'll make a big red splotch on my face then. But it's a ziiiiiiiit. No. Don't pop it. It's not like this is my wedding day anyway. I'm just trying on dresses. That's all.
  • What in the heck happened to my best-laid plans to be four sizes smaller by the time I got to this portion of wedding planning? Fail SAUCE, Kp. Maybe if I chug a bunch of coffee, I can poop myself a size smaller before the appointment (I told you TMI. Sorry). How much coffee could I possibly chug in the next hour or so? Wouldn't it be awesome if you could poop and miraculously be a size 2? Well, I suppose you could if you were a very petite size 3... hmm, whatever.

God I drank so much coffee.
  • I should pop it.
  • Wow, I haven't worn contacts in SUCH a long time. OH GOD I JUST POKED MYSELF RIGHT IN THE EYE. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. Shouldn't have put on lotion before poking myself in the eye. It burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrns.
  • I shouldn't have popped it.

At the appointment:
  • Ergh. They don't open for another 15 minutes. I was just trying to be punctual. Guess I'll just chill here and stare at the dresses through the window. Damn I got WAY too used to Mexico's heat. It's frickin freezing out here Mr. Bigglesworth.
  • That girl across the street should NOT have selected that hat to complete her outfit. Yikes. Oh she sees me staring, quick, oooooh, what an interesting penny on the ground. Oh wait, is that face up? SCORE.
  • Thank god they took pity and opened the doors early. And the lady with the ugly hat is another bride! Look away, she can't see you staring. Holy cow she looks more wound up about this than me. Spiffy.
  • I don't know how to talk about wedding dresses. How do I explain what I'm looking for? What the hell are pickups?
  • Oh yeah, I don't want those.
  • Open trunk. Cool. So I just walk around and tell you what I want to try on? Easy peezy lemon... OH GOD THERE'S TOO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM.
  • Thank god D and V came to help me pick this stuff out. (Also, if you want to read another account of dress shopping, D purchased her dress from Memories a little over a month ago!)
  • Holy crap I have to pee. Why did I drink so much coffee?
  • Oh. Oh yeah no, that's not going to work.
  • What... what even ARE those? Are they supposed to be flower decals? They look like tumors. Veto. Also I'm totally going to hell for thinking that. And for saying it out loud.
  • What's a drop waist?
  • Oh. Oh god yeah that's less than flattering.
  • OoOoo. That's pretty. I could rock that.
  • I could TOTALLY rock this.
  • I am GOING to rock this.
  • Shit, this is it.
  • Why is the other bride crying? Am I supposed to cry when I find the right one? Er...
  • No, there will be no tears, but this is definitely the one.
After the appointment:
  • I get fifty bucks of free accessories? Um... This is a lot more bling than I usually wear. (It took until someone pointed out that I am not required to wear said bling on my wedding day before I actually took them up on the offer of free stuff)
  • Bahahaha lookit this stupid headband with the ridiculously large jewels on it. I have to try it on to laugh. Oh. I actually kinda like that. Hm.

and it holds down the little bits of hair growth coming in from my
bald spot so I don't look like
  • Wow they have some UGLY "special event dresses here." Is that tie dye AND leopard print? *whistle and eye roll*
  • This is not a dress. This is a very expensive piece of lingerie. WHY IS THIS ON THE PROM RACK FOR 16 YEAR OLDS?

I wasn't even exaggerating.
  • Lunch at the Union! I am gonna slam my whole face into the electric goat cheese appetizer...You see that? That right there is why I am a fatty.
  • Oh god I shouldn't have had all that coffee.

Man, if I'm going to be that all over the place just picking the dress out, well bridal party, I'm just gonna apologize in advance for the crazy random crap that spurts out of my mouth day-of. Or maybe I don't apologize, I'm pretty sure that'll be hilarious.

Are you a bride or have been a bride? How was your shopping experience?
Also, I'm curious, is it this overwhelming for guys to pick out what they wear?

So what's the dress look like you ask? Welp, if you've ever watched The Big Bang Theory, this is where my own personal Bazinga comes in. You see, I just wrote an entire post about picking out my wedding dress, but I have come to the conclusion in the last week or so that I am not going to tell anyone a damn thing about said dress until they see me in it on October 6th.

It's bad luck for a groom to see his bride before the wedding. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind that's stretched out to include seeing the dress before the wedding for me. And Fiance wants to know what it looks like. And it's got me paranoid. If you got to see the picture or hear a description before I actually made this "my lips are sealed" mantra in my head, then congrats, and keep your mouth shut, please.

Somewhere around Fiance trying to guess what it looked like and gauging if he was right by my facial expression, it occurred to me that I would quite honestly not be able to wear that dress if he sees it or knows what it looks like before I step foot on an aisle. In summary, you, my fine readers, friends and family, get to know that it's a wedding dress. And you get to know that I wasn't a fan of pick-ups or drop waists. And that's... it. I'm not even going to show you the dresses I tried on and didn't like, because they all have pieces of what I eventually ended up going with.


I know in the end there are much bigger issues out there in the realm of weddings, but this has become wildly important to me. So there you have it.

Random Section Time!

1. As a result of wedding dress shopping, I am newly resolved to stop being a fatty. I write this here so you all can keep me honest. I will be loosing 29 pounds* before my wedding come hell or high water. I am confident I can do this. From here on out, I'm going to post updates on the countdown from 29 in the random section. Hopefully sharing that with the world will keep me on the straight and narrow of salads and treadmills instead of tacos and the couch. Damn tacos, I kinda wish they weren't so delicious, all covered in grease.
*It was going to be 25 pounds, and then I went to the states for nine days. Between that electric goat cheese, meat pie, pot roast, and a whole lot of other Americana goodness... well whatever now it's up to 29. I can do this.

Just gotta channel my inner stalwart baby.

2. I am an alum of St. Norbert College, in De Pere Wisconsin. If you are too, or are currently a student, you are probably aware of what's going on with this year's commencement speaker, Cardinal Francis George of Chicago. If you're not, the basic gist is that he made some out-of-line (I'm using that phrase in place of a stronger one because I'd rather not get all cuss-y here) comments about the GLBT community. Alumni and students alike petitioned en masse to have the Cardinal uninvited from commencement, as his statements do not reflect the open and accepting community SNC works to embody. This morning the President of SNC addressed these concerns in an open letter, and I really highly encourage all to read it.

While I was definitely in with those wishing for the Cardinal to be replaced as a speaker, I am really impressed with President Kunkel's response. It's not often that a President bothers to communicate with the student body personally like this. Believe me, I've been a college administrator long enough to have seen my fair share of "hot-topics" cross the table. I also believe he is offering a really great explanation and adjustment instead of just saying "tough, NO." If you are a part of the SNC community, be proud people, you don't get a president that empowers a voice in his students and offers open dialogue like this but once in a blue moon.

3. I'm feeling decidedly better. Thank you all who wrote me notes/e-mails/comments with tips and well wishes. You should know that while I was certainly not feeling great, I by nature exaggerate when I write in order to get a laugh. I wasn't actually dying, and I won't be seeing a doctor. :)


Erin said...

Good lord it's been a long time - but your FB pointed me this way. Well written letter. My Dad was the adviser for the Rainbow Alliance on the SNC campus before he retired. I'm sure he'd be pretty disappointed in the choice for commencement as well.

Kp said...

Hey Erin! Long time, yo. To be fair, he was invited before he had made his horrible remarks, sort of like any celebrity landing a product placement gig and then being stupid enough to make a sex tape. The college isn't responsible for what he said, he is- and having read Kunkle's letter I think SNC is taking the high road by giving him the chance to face some of the people he has so deeply offended and hurt. I very much hope that he accepts the offer to visit campus before the ceremony, and I hope the student body is able to face him in a respectful enough manner that he reflects on his poor choices instead of getting defensive.

Espi said...

KP, I loved this blog! You are sooo funny. Once again, congratulations on your engagement and I'm so happy that you found a dress! Micah and I are tying the knot in November, so I had to buy a dress while visiting home in December. When I found my dress, I didn't have tears either, FYI. My mom, sister, and I just high-fived each other afterward. It was awesome. You have such a fun and quirky personality that I think you'd like this book that I just finished reading called "Offbeat Bride." It was a great way for me to think about how to balance out the crazy bridal traditions that I think would actually drive me insane, haha. I wish you the best with the rest of your planning!

Kp said...

Hey espi! I didn't know you and Micah were betrothed- congrats to you both. Do you know where you'll be getting hitched yet? I'll check out that book as soon as I can get a copy in English, judging by amazon's description it's right up my alley, thanks for the recommendation. D, if you're reading this far down, we TOTALLY should have high fived.